Wheelie's Bad Day
by Zapwing
Summary: Set during episode 22: 'Stronger, Faster'. Wheelie is most definitely not having a good day...


**Wheelie's Bad Day**

"Uhh…could you repeat that, sir?"

The foreman gritted his denta. "You heard me, fragger! Now get cleaning!"

And then, he thrust a plasma brush at me, and jabbed a digit towards the hole.

I am most definitely not having a good day. Let me recap. I unplugged myself after my recharge sequence, at least a cycle too late after roll call. As punishment for being so fraggin' late, I am now being forced to clean the Nemesis' waste chutes. From end to end. I don't know about you, but there is nothing that can compare to the putrescent horror of a waste chute. And that too on a hot solar. I had to crawl in there! On my servos and knees! And I was literally scraping refuse and foul smelling junk off the walls. And every few kliks, an overhead chute would open up, and dump a quarter ton of cybertronian excrement. On top of me! I just couldn't believe how many bots on this ship took a shit on a daily basis! Primus-dammit, I'm a miner/engineer! Servant Class, too! I am most definitely not a janitorial drone!

I had a quick cleaning sequence, and then they had me performing some routine maintenance around the Nemesis. That went peacefully enough. It was just me and my toolkit, and some loose wires, and I was just about prepared to put all my troubles behind me... Oh, right, I forgot. Primus wanted to screw with me, today. No sooner had I finished the repairs and shut the panel, I was summoned to the engineering deck by Knock Out (He experimented with machinery, as much as he did with medications). Not expecting anything, except for a minor patch job, or a leaking fuel line, I complied with the request like a good Decepticon.

"Excuse me, sir?"

"You heard me; I need you to fix that elevator's control panel."

"Err…sir, if I may be so bold; that elevator is stuck on the upper levels."

Knock Out looked at me, optic-brow raised. "And your point is…"

"Well, it's an awfully long way up, sir. Is there any chance I could get up there faster?"

"So, you're saying you don't want to climb the service shaft?" asked Knock Out, his voice dangerously low. My knees were shaking now, and my pedes were clattering against each other.

"N-no, sir, I just…"

But he cut me off, by turning around, and opening a small container. He faced me once more, and deposited a tiny energon cube in my hand. It was barely enough to power a 2-bit hologram, let alone my bodily systems. "Ration it," he said, grinning. "It's going to be a long climb."

I got the message, and went to get the mother-fragging thing fixed. The only way to get to the elevator was, as I said, by way of a service shaft. Considering the size of the Nemesis, the shaft was at least as tall as several earther skyscrapers piled one on top of another and as narrow and cramped as a manhole on Kaon. I vented, dejectedly, and began my arduous climb. At least two and a half cycles later, I'd reached the top, thrown open the vent, climbed out, and lay on the deck plates, panting heavily. At least I didn't have to use the energon cube.

As soon as I was rested, I unhitched the elevator's override, and had the doors opened. I pried the control panel loose, and set to work, replacing frayed wiring and burnt components. Of course, I wasn't meant to be stress free today, because I fumbled with a small fuse, and it hit the deck plates, rolling a good distance away from the elevator. Cursing under my vents, I clomped over to the damn thing and picked it up. Only to turn around, and witness the elevator groan, jerk, and shriek down its shaft, to the lower decks. With my energon cube. And my toolkit. All. The way. Down.

I think I felt a tear in my optical band…

Nevertheless, I climbed down the service shaft (while sobbing), and fixed the problem once and for all. I replaced the damaged components, fastened the panel, and was just getting ready for a good sulk, when Soundwave appeared and…

Wait, hold on. Soundwave?

Oh, frag you, Primus… Frag you! Frag you to The Pit!

No-Face sidled up to me and his face-screen flicked on, showing me a reading on a map, as well as instructions requiring me to take an excavator and start digging up the energon he'd detected. And it was deep in Autobot territory. Chance of getting shot, blown up, eviscerated, or ceasing to exist: high. I gulped and shifted my pedes nervously.

"Umm…I hate to be rude sir…but…"

His display changed, and this time, he'd rustled up a portrait of me. Impaled on a spike. It was surprisingly accurate, right down to the way my crotch plate was punctured, and how the tip poked out of my optical band. I clicked my pedes and saluted.

"Right away, sir!"

Soundwave's screen flickered off, and as soon as he was out of sight, I hopped onto the elevator, and hit the button for the upper deck. The journey took me at least twenty kliks, compared to the time it took to crawl up and down the service shaft. The doors opened, and I was now outside the Nemesis, right on top of it. The wind howled around me as I stepped out. I took a deep intake and-

Started yelling and screeching every dirty and offensive expletive in the dictograph. While simultaneously jumping up and down. Make of that what you will.

After I calmed down, I made my way to the Bridge terminal, where my excavator awaited. I hopped into its cab, and began the startup sequence. The Ground Bridge portal activated, and I gunned the accelerator, heading straight for the portal's center. I felt a warmth flow across my frame, and soon, I had reappeared in a rocky canyon. I put on my best poker face, as the nearest trooper marched forward.

"Where do I start drilling?"

"Right over there." The soldier pointed a digit to a jagged rock face.

I nodded, and drew the excavator closer. The drill bit started shearing away the rock, and I did a quick scan. I frowned as the readings flicked on. There wasn't much in there; barely a sliver. Megatron must be getting desperate if he's sending a whole squad for just a few tidbits.

I shook my helm. Best not think about it now. I had a job to do.

That was when I heard the revving of an engine, and one of the Eradicons shout, "Autobots!" followed by heavy gunfire. Startled, I looked back and saw one of them, Wrench; I think his name was, ram an Eradicon with his vehicle mode, transform and pin him down. The Autobot was a crotchety one, a veteran, I could only assume. He rose, and proclaimed: "It's alright; I'm an emergency vehicle!"

And then he deployed two Energon scalpels, and skewered the Eradicon. He fragging skewered him!

I swallowed, my self-preservation protocols kicking in, and made to get out of the excavator, when he noticed me, his optics narrowing. Panicking, and trying not to think about what the Autobot would do to me, I decided to forgo stealth, jumped off the machine, and started climbing the rock face. If I made it, I might be able to climb out of the canyon and get clear away from the battle. My venting was ragged as I struggled upwards. I reached the lip of the rock face, and clambered up. Not stopping for vent, I ran, my pedes pounding the ground.

To my surprise, I'd already made a good distance, and I couldn't help but smile.

I was going to make it! I was actually going to-

_WHOCK!_

Something round and hard slammed into the back of my helm, and I landed face first on the ground, stars blinking in front of my optics. I groaned as pushed myself into a sitting position, so I could properly wonder what the frag had happened to me, when the veteran's pede suddenly pinned me to the ground. Painfully.

The old guy glared at me and said, "Why the big rush?"

Annoyed and generally pissed at the turn of events, I mustered up my courage and said," Just trying to get as far as I can from the Autobot stink…"

He bent down slightly and jabbed a digit at me. "Does your boss know you have a potty mouth?" he asked calmly, "Maybe I should pay him a visit and tell him."

I gritted my denta. "Get melted wheel-grinder," I spat, going for a jibe at his age.

"Melted…" he said, as if having a revelation. "Now there's a concept…"

He raised an arm, and it transformed into an arc welder, its tip spitting a blue flame.I stared at it in horror.

"I won't ask you a second time," growled the veteran, "Where is Megatron?"

I stared at him, spluttering, and my spark thudding in my chest plates. "Okay, okay, you can use my com! It's got the coordinates loaded! Just get that thing away from me!"

But he didn't relent the arc welder was getting closer. I clamped a servo on it, trying to keep it away from my face, but to no avail.

"No! NOOO! NOOOOOOOOOOOOO _!_"

It was no use; the welder bit into my optical band and burned and burned and burned. Frag, it hurt so much! I felt the searing heat penetrate my facial plates, and burn the optical cables, sending agony rushing through my helm. I was dimly aware of the other Autobots appearing. But that didn't matter right now; I still had a welder in my face.

"That's all I know!" I whimpered, "Really!"

He continued to weld for a few more seconds, before jerking away. My arm flopped uselessly to the ground, and I groaned, trying to see past the haze, but only half of my optical bands were working; the others were only displaying static.

The veteran stood up, triumphant. "Now, was that so difficult?" he said, casually, as he transformed his arm from an arc welder, to a scalpel.

Oh, frag, he was going to stab me! I stared up in horror, my frame trembling, as he raised the blade and…

CLANG!

I blinked the optical band that still worked. It was none other than Optimus Prime, leader of the Autobots, who had stayed the soldier's arm. "Ratchet!" he rumbled (So that's what his name was!), "What are you doing!"

I didn't stop to hear the veteran's answer. I just scrambled to my pedes and got the frag out of there. I don't think I even remember how long or how far I ran.

Oh, yes, I am most definitely not having a good day.


End file.
